This year has been a winter and I have felt like a lumberjack.
I am learning, as the year draws hastily to a close, that I have very little to say.
That my profoundly thought-out opinions on the universe and everything it contains are taking a step back—and I am sitting more.
I am finding that my fearless jumping into unknown ventures is slowing and I am longing to be bored for a while.
I feel the pressure to achieve slowly slipping away. It is scary.
I fear nothing being on my business card except history, fading into the bright hope of rest.
I see callouses on my hands, from working hard through the winter, needing to soften and warm up again before grabbing another bull by the horns.
I am feeling the security of not knowing—and sitting.
I resonate with the thought of not knowing.
I am resisting the thought of springing into the next season and letting spring sit with me a while.
I am excited about becoming restless.
I am finding that insight takes time, and wanting to learn again to talk.
I want to find myself, lost in conversation without purpose.
I want my purpose to be getting lost.
I want to stand on top of a mountain and kiss the feet of the divine.
I want to pick up speed, while living slowly.
I want to change the world but to start with myself.
First published December 21, 2016
Tim Shallard is a co-director of Mosaic Workshop; founder of MorningCider; an inexperienced chef, coffee snob, amateur philosopher, part-time poet and neighbourhood-lover. He is passionate about food, coffee and people, and believes that in Jesus there is hope of peace. Follow him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/tim.shallard1
Tim Shallard's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/tim-shallard.html